It’s Your love, wave after wave. Crashes over me, crashes over me … for You are FOR US, You are not against us. Champion of Heaven, You made a way for all to enter in!
The past few days have been deeply special. I have sought the presence of the Lord so desperately & have felt Him reach back so graciously & love me so sweetly. It feels like it’s been an eternity since I have felt this sort of desperation for Him … but I have been reminded that it is in desperation where He meets us. Where we feel His actual power & might. His miracle kind of love & it’s where we remember the truths that set us free from the bondage we have tied ourselves in.
Texas rain has been UNENDING this spring. Seriously. Every time I think it’s over, I see storms in the forecast on my iPhone. Even on days when the sun is shining & I know I should be feeling good, there’s this pressure in my hip, upper back & knees … I take one look at the forecast & am validated instantly. Here comes the RAIN, little darlin … not the sun.
Arthritis is a weird kind of pain. I know what nerve pain feels like & that is truly intolerable … BUT I know how to CONTROL it & get it to calm down & leave me the heck alone eventually. However, arthritic pain …. yeah, that’s not going anywhere. Especially if it’s raining.
I’ve been waking up every morning this week stiff as a cedar plank, seriously. And I use that analogy, because my husband has a lot of cedar wood in our backyard, working on that cutie greenhouse! Anyways, I roll over to Eddy every morning, lay down on his chest & just ask if we can ignore life for the day. Because he is responsible, he softly replies: “No, baby. I’m so sorry you’re hurting.” Yeah. Me too.
The new health issues are not only hard for me to process & cope with, but they are hard on my husband, family & friends. I will agree to something & then last minute cancel because I am so overwhelmed by the pain. Sometimes it just makes me feel discouraged, mad & depressed. I used to be that girl that defied all odds … I ran around life like I had nothing to lose & everything to gain. And I had no pain, seriously. None. How I wish I would have known then what I know now … stop, rest & protect those joints crazy girl.
But, I didn’t know. Like any other young person, I believed I was invincible & would be a miracle girl the rest of my life. Now I’m a pathetic newly wed, who talks about pain more than anything & cancels on just about every plan we try to make.
But this week … The Lord has wrapped His arms around me. Even in this season, I feels His faithfulness, love & patience. I guess I’ll always be the girl who questions God & He will always be the God who loves the girl, anyway.
That’s what crashes over me. That right there. It humbles & lifts me up at the same time … the fact that He loves me, in EVERY season or state He finds me in. He is FOR US, not against us. He is the Champion who made a way … He made a way. It doesn’t matter what cross you’re carrying, the Champion of Heaven will make a way … but I’m telling you, sweet friend, His presence is better than any answer you’re looking for.
That is what I have been laughing, praying & singing about for days now … the fact that His presence alone is enough. I don’t need Him to tell me it’s going to be ok, because you know what? It might now. It might get worse. I might end up curled in bed & stalking people on Facebook to pass my time 😉 – on disability, unable to move & still trying to write His praises. That might happen, it might not, but even if it does – His presence alone will heal my hurting heart. It will humble me, help me keep trying & move me to keep dreaming.
God has a plan for my life, this I am sure. This little blog may be it. My thoughts, frustrations & stories may be just enough to draw men unto Him … maybe it already does. Maybe it always will. And you know what? That’s enough for me. I feel His presence even now. He is crashing over me, crashing over me. He’s the Champion of heaven Who made a way.
This is my new fight song … You Make Me Brave. More thoughts to come on that, but for now …
It’s His love. Wave after wave. Crashing over me. Crashing over me.