My little sister is getting married. And I can’t think of anyone more deserving of this happiness. And because a wedding process is so much fun, it brings matters of “love” to every conversation.We went to review some locations Saturday, & on the long drive spoke about her & AJ’s song: Thinking out Loud.
I LOVE this song. I loved it the first time Lacey played it for me. I could see them dancing to this at their wedding … & this was before he even proposed to her! 🙂 But now, we listen to it as she plans her wedding! God is so faithful & I am eternally grateful to Him for providing for my family. In every dream, in every heart … He has been faithful.However, Saturday was the first day I ever really listened to the lyrics. I mean, really listened to it. As the verses played, I started to cry – but not for Lacey & AJ this time – but because each line sent me into a therapy session over my own marriage.
“When your legs don’t work like they used to before” …
This day has come far too quickly in my life. Maybe that’s just me being selfish, but I’m only human … & my being able to walk is a miracle. A miracle I never imagined would cease to exist. A few weeks ago, my husband &I visited my Memaw after a surgery that corrected a hip break. We made the trek to Grand Prairie, wanting to love on & encourage her – – because she has always been there for me, & I wanted to be there for her in the same way.
But of course God had other plans. Edward & I had just left an Orthopedic’s office, hopeful to have my own bone issues corrected, operated on & hopefully made to disappear. But again, God had other plans. As I knelt beside her couch, with my husband sitting on a nearby ottoman, I answered all of her questions. You know, those questions your Memaw needs an answer to … the ones that ease her concern and worry … Even as she suffered, she still needed to know I wasn’t.
I’ve never been one to “fake it ’til I make it,” so I told her the truth. I told her how Dr. Ballinger looked at the x-ray with great concern. I told her how he explained there was nothing he could do, unless I wanted to risk everything. I told her how he was almost positive correcting my knee, would jeopardize my mobility. I told her how he stated very firmly, that the fact I walk at my age, with my disability, well … It’s a miracle.
She shook her head so very hard and simply replied, “Yes. He is right.” She began to recount my very first surgery 32 years ago. She told me I was 3 months old, and all of the Pediatrists advised my parents I would be vegetable. There will be no crawling, let alone walking.
Thank God I was born into a group of stubborn women.
Memaw wouldn’t take no for an answer. She found a Neurosurgeon in Dallas willing to give this vegetable, a fighting chance at walking. Memaw said Dr. Aparon walked out of surgery glowing, exclaiming, “this child WILL walk.” And while my walking came later than most … the thing to remember is, it came.
However, no one told my family this wouldn’t last forever … & because we all hoped the miracle would just keep on miracle-ing, we never considered my future. Dr. Ballinger told me I shouldn’t be walking at this point in my life. He said, most are in wheelchairs in their 30’s … most have accepted their reality of a life on wheels, whether it be a chair or a scooter … but as he saw my brows frown & eyes widen, he said, “I can see you’re not like most.”No sir, I’m not.”
Trying very hard to fight back the tears, I glanced across the room & there he was … the love of my whole life … head in hands, tears trickling, voice quivering as he listened to the doctor advising he would basically take apart my entire leg, just to resolve this issue .. and if he does, “she may never walk again.”
So the phrase of this song hits me in a place I don’t even know how to be in. A place of disbelief, refusal and discouragement. How could I be only 32 years old and not walking? How could God let this happen, after all He’s let NOT happen? Why is Edward dragged into this? Why didn’t I warn him? Why didn’t my family? Why is he even with a girl like me? Why.
“When the crowds don’t remember my name” …
You’ve probably heard me refer to my husband as Ed the Cake Guy. You may be totally confused by this nickname – but many know exactly who he is. He’s a talented cake decorator. Strike that … He’s a BRILLIANT one. So brilliant, that Food Network asked him to compete on their Extreme Cake Challenge in 2008.
When I first met him, I didn’t really know what to make of this part of his life. My mother loves baking, but I never really had a knack for it … nor any real interest. But here I was, dating a man that was a big deal baker. A man that had his 15 minutes in the limelight. A man that many obsess over. They want his cakes, they want his craft, they want his teaching … but all I ever wanted, was his heart.He now believes those day of extreme baking are over. He’s not sure he will ever be invited again into that limelight. Sure, people still remember his craft – but will they really as more and more stumble into this limelight? He’s not so sure.
“People fall in love in mysterious ways. Maybe it’s all part of a plan …”
So here you have them. One small crutch-wearing girl, and one tall cake-making boy. How did they end up together? How are they attracted to one another? How do they make all of this work together?
I don’t believe in coincidence, nor do I believe in fate. I believe in something much bigger, much greater. I believe in the only true God, who makes all things work together … & that includes people.
“Right where we are.”
So here we are – multiple broken bones, and a few forgotten cakes later. We are here. In this place. In this season. Where my legs aren’t working, and he isn’t baking. The things that used to make us special, feel like they are fading. My “special” was being the miracle child. The one all the Doctors said wouldn’t do much. The one that voiced her testimony on International Television, and inspired thousands. His “special” was being the well-known baker. The one that all the people flock to, to learn this exciting craft. The one that hears the crowds go wild, with the turn of his mixer.We feel like we are fading. Way too early. Neither of us feel like we are done yet … we both have this angst, like God is calling us to something … but what is it?
As I listened to this song today I a thought.
Maybe “we” are the thing God is calling “us” to. Maybe our story is the greatest thing either of us will ever do. Maybe our love is the kind that makes history. Maybe our heartaches are the kind many relate to, or are even inspired by. Maybe Ed & Holly is more than a hashtag, or a cute picture. Maybe Ed & Holly is a movement. Maybe Ed & Holly is a spark, one that will catch like wildfire. Maybe Ed & Holly moves hearts to see what’s beyond outer appearance, and peek into the actual heart of every circumstance, in every person.
Maybe it’s all part of a plan. Maybe each of our vessels prior to Ed & Holly were special, but not game-changers. Maybe we are stronger together, than we could ever be apart … maybe our marriage, our courage, our ability to love beyond most limits, will change more than we could ever even imagine.
Maybe we found love right were we are. Sincerely, Holly