“Holly, this steroid is going to make you feel SO GOOD, you’ll want to clean your house. But don’t – that’s why you’re in this mess.” – Dr. Ward, Neurosurgeon
I finally broke down yesterday & agreed to pay the Doc a visit – because the pain just wouldn’t stop. However, I was NOT into the idea. Leaving my comfy bed with a nerve striking the left side of my back every 5 minutes… walking to the truck & into the clinic…sitting in a waiting room for an hour (let’s face it – MD’s have no sense of time)…all of it sounded like pure torture. But I agreed, reluctantly, because I needed help.
Dad was my chaperone & I’m thankful, because driving with Neurotin in your bloodstream can be a little risky. But I made it, sat in the waiting room, scrolled through Instagram, Twitter, Facebook – even snapped a photo – anything to distract me from the pain.
Pain demands attention. If there is a source of discomfort, can you really think about anything else? The answer is no, for me. I was pondering that, how powerful pain really is & how frighteningly easy it can gain total control.
The pain I’ve been in this week has been RUTHLESS. It has demanded my full attention. It’s kept me in bed, medicated, lonely, hurting & broken. And I tell you this, because you HAVE to know how heavy this cross is, to appreciate the strength I draw from to carry it. It’s humbling to tell you how much it hurts, because I would instead like you to believe she’s capable, she’s smart, she’s overcome.
But the truth is, I am not the one who re-gained control of my pain this week. God comforted me when my phone was silent, He held me as my muscle spasmed & couldn’t sleep, He encouraged me when my Doctor cracked a joke, He moved me to encourage others through my pain.
After the visit with Dr. Ward – we came up with a game plan. Steroids & continued Neurotin. And he was so confident this will work that I’ll feel like I can clean the house AGAIN… BUT DON’T!! So my new mantra,
“Housecleaning is a health-risk, just ask my Neurologist.”
So here’s to smiling, laughing & writing our way right out of life’s pains, in the name of Jesus.