Today is hard. I made the decision at 5:23am to not work, because I had been awake since 2:30am taking hot baths, laying in my recliner, watching the clock to make sure I downed that ibuprofen every 4 hours…. that’s what nerve pain does to me. Keeps me awake & hurting beyond belief.
And even though I am in such severe pain, it’s still tough to text my boss and say:
“Deb, I’m so sorry, but I can’t come in.”
Not because I’m afraid of what she’ll think – that’s the beauty of working in medicine, she always understands – but because it’s difficult for me to let Spina bifida win.
As soon as she texted back wishing me a speedy recovery, I had the thought – “Most days I win, but there are some days SB wins… & I need to learn to just pick my battles.” But just as those words came to my tired, stressed out little mind – I felt the Lord quickly correct me. Even though there are days where I must stop & allow my body the time it needs to heal – it doesn’t mean I gave up fighting & it also doesn’t mean I lost.
I think a losing battle would look very different… Like, not trying at all. And by not trying – I don’t mean – not working. I actually mean, letting the darkness consume my entire existence… Being negative about my disability, instead of inspiring. Being cold toward my sisters, because they are the ones with beautiful spines. Or having resentment against my Lord for ever putting me in this fight to begin with.
I actually, by His grace, feel none of that. I’m not saying I’ve never had a moment or two – but I am telling you, I don’t abide in this darkness. Praise God.
So as you face today, whatever your cross may look like, I want you to NOT think: “Well, I’ll just pick my battles.”
No. Take on every battle & win them all. We can, because He DID.
I love you, friends. Pray for my healing.