Today is hard. I made the decision at 5:23am to not work, because I had been awake since 2:30am taking hot baths, laying in my recliner, watching the clock to make sure I downed that ibuprofen every 4 hours…. that’s what nerve pain does to me. Keeps me awake & hurting beyond belief.
And even though I am in such severe pain, it’s still tough to text my boss and say:
“Deb, I’m so sorry, but I can’t come in.”
Not because I’m afraid of what she’ll think – that’s the beauty of working in medicine, she always understands – but because it’s difficult for me to let Spina bifida win.
As soon as she texted back wishing me a speedy recovery, I had the thought – “Most days I win, but there are some days SB wins… & I need to learn to just pick my battles.” But just as those words came to my tired, stressed out little mind – I felt the Lord quickly correct me. Even though there are days where I must stop & allow my body the time it needs to heal – it doesn’t mean I gave up fighting & it also doesn’t mean I lost.
I think a losing battle would look very different… Like, not trying at all. And by not trying – I don’t mean – not working. I actually mean, letting the darkness consume my entire existence… Being negative about my disability, instead of inspiring. Being cold toward my sisters, because they are the ones with beautiful spines. Or having resentment against my Lord for ever putting me in this fight to begin with.
I actually, by His grace, feel none of that. I’m not saying I’ve never had a moment or two – but I am telling you, I don’t abide in this darkness. Praise God.
So as you face today, whatever your cross may look like, I want you to NOT think: “Well, I’ll just pick my battles.”
No. Take on every battle & win them all. We can, because He DID.
I love you, friends. Pray for my healing.
Sincerely, Holly
Tags : all things Spina bifida, challenge, Christianity, disability, dream, faith, hope, inspire, Jesus, lessons, obstacles, pain, process, spina bifida, they call her love..., truth
I like this post a lot. I too have spina bifida, and I’m confined to a wheelchair. I’ve known nothing else, my whole life. But I’ve accepted it and learned to live with it. I’ve had a good life and continue to have one. Like you, I also have good days and bad. But, I have A LOT more good than bad ones. Thanks for being an inspiration to me and so many others.
Corina, Thank you for your comment & honesty about how living with SB can be amazingly-difficult. My heart resonates with yours, sister. I pray you have MANY more good days to come… here’s to smiling our way through this journey, xo, HS
You Ms Holly are an inspiration to all, with or without SB. God has truly blessed you with a loving and gracious heart. I love you, and pray you are feeling well soon.
Aunt Nelda – I LOVE you. Your fun-loving, deep-loving, silly-loving self has encouraged my heart for a long time. I am LUCKY to have you in my life. Thank you for praying, xo, HS
The Lord will heal and always favour you. You are truly blessed, do what you can and leave our Father Jesus to do the rest. Bless
I am sincerely blessed, Rebecca. Blessed to carry this cross & blessed to know people like you. xo, HS
As a somewhat wise fortysomething with SB I think of not as win or lose but to make the smartest decisions possible to help your body in the years ahead. Many changes in your health will come your way as you age with SB but if you make the smart, albeit tough decisions to conserve energy and prevent further pain in the long run your body will thank you. So ita not giving up iits actually very smart of you Holly! I will pray the pain subsides quickly for you my friend!
You are a VERY wise woman of SB, Leanne. I have admired your strength for a few years now & appreciate every encouraging word you say to me, and other women like us. Thank you for the prayers, you’re in my heart. xo, HS