we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance & endurance produces character & character produces HOPE.
It’s been a heavy week… actually, it’s been a heavy month. Most of you follow me on FB & know what happened late March — but I’m gonna tell you again — we. bought. a. house.
That’s right, Ed & Holly Frys are officially GROWN ups. I think?
It’s been a true joy moving into our first home. I have never, ever, EVER been more happy in my life. That is the truth. I have a husband, a career & now, I have a HOUSE! With a POOL! And a HOT TUB. Holy cow, I can’t believe this is my life.
I was speaking with a new friend last evening, {he & I are working on a cake project together} — no, no I am NOT becoming a cake decorator, so relax. I’m still Holly, the talker. So I’m gonna TALK cake, not bake it. We’ll leave that to @edthecakeguy
Anyways, we had a beautiful conversation. It was interesting because it grew from business, to absolute truth, tears & joy. I felt very honored & moved to have met this man, & while I am the one who inspired him to honor my marriage in his last cake competition… Well, he inspired me to just talk through this house process with my readers… & myself really.
His honesty reminded me why I love to write. My blog, blurbs, posts… WHATEVER these are… there is no agenda here. Truly. This is my heart. This is the hurt in my life & I see that it not only helps me to process with all of you, I think it helps you too.
So here’s the deal…
Edward & I are exhausted. Utterly. Yes most of it is my fault, because I am RELENTLESS. The fighter you see through the disability situation, is the same fighter in EVERY situation. So, I need pictures on walls. I need pillows & flowers & candle sticks & vases… I need to make this house a home. And I have so enjoyed every second of it – even though it’s literally ruined me.
This past Saturday the rain was moving in, but I wanted to attend this event called “Antique Alley” in Grandview (where I fell IN LOVE with a baby goat, by the way)… So I rallied my family & we prepared to head out.
Before they got here, I was rushing around this unfinished house – DESPERATE to have it looking presentable, when God hit me with this heavy truth.
It is my suffering that makes me strong… that gives me hope.
As these words rushed through my head, I stopped in my office, knelt beside this pillow & cried, because this is the thing…
I WANT to go to Antique Alley, I WANT to decorate my house, I WANT to garden with my husband & I WANT to be a good wife… But most days I really feel like I want all day, but AM something completely different.
That’s hard. It’s really hard for a relentless girl with a broken back to actually succumb to her reality. Especially when her parents told her she can be anything & do anything. But that isn’t necessarily true.
I can’t. I can’t decorate for hours & then go cook dinner. I can’t clean my house (thank God for Maid-Pro) & then pull weeds out of the garden. And I can’t clean that blasted pool, so I beg my husband to do it … so I CAN jump in the hot tub.
That’s the reality of my life. I am a girl filled with desires, but my reality is what it is… a life of suffering, the physical inability to make my body DO what my mind {{my heart}} begs it to do.
So how do I handle this suffering? How do I do navigate it both courageously & gracefully? I think I’m learning… but I hold tight to truth.
My suffering produces endurance & that builds my character… & this character creates this unrelenting hope… & my hope, it’s NEVER gonna die. Because I’m relentless. God made me that way. And I WILL have this house in order…. later.
Sincerely, Holly XOXO
